


darkness.

by rewrite_a_million_dreams



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Extended Metaphors, Hurt/Comfort, Implided Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Metaphors, References to Depression, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17371640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewrite_a_million_dreams/pseuds/rewrite_a_million_dreams
Summary: He is a fool for thinking this could make him happy.





	darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> so i wanted to push myself to write something different than what i usually do, and thus, this was made! it's a bit messy but i like it.

The feeling of never being good enough weighs you down. It breaks you. It makes you feel as though you are nothing, as though you are worthless, never deserving of any happiness or confidence or luck. No one ever feels proud of you. No one ever says how amazing you are, or how you did a good job.

These feelings are darkness coiled tightly around you, leaving you gasping for breath. On the inside you scream out for help, for someone to please, take the pain away, help me, love me. On the outside, you are a blank piece of paper. You only show what you need to show. Only say what you need to say. That is safe. That is good.

That doesn't hurt you like the hands that surrounded you as you grew up. Those hands put food on the table, threw extravagant parties, and left bruises and burn marks on your skin. That is why you learn to be safe.

Phillip has had a lifetime of hiding himself in the shadows while simultaneously thriving in the spotlight. It is not him out there on stage, accepting praises for a play that he never wanted to write, a tragedy that stems from deep inside of himself. The audience will never know the truth behind what seems to be fiction. They do not need to know his own pain he went through that inspired the jaw dropping dialogue, or the real, authentic actions that portray more emotion than words ever could.

He is a fool for thinking this could make him happy.

He wants to give in. Wants to stop pulling at the shackles that leave him chained to this life of luxury and loneliness. He wants so desperately to give himself to the darkness, the shadows in the night that whisper to him that he'll never be anything but a failure. The darkness is a close friend and a mortal enemy. The darkness protects him from the beauties of the outside and leaves him stuck Hell. The darkness is a fallen angel that guards him with a cracked halo that wants to make sure Phillip never knows what it is like to soar. 

He’s spiraling. He's sliding to the bottom of a bottle and can't bring himself to stop. The alcohol burns his throat. Gives him a rush of adrenaline and makes him feel something for the first time. He's still here. Still breathing. He cannot leave this life for good, but in his foolish drunken state, he gives in. This will not work, he thinks. I will not be happy. I will be a burden. 

The man of light who rescues him knows that is not at all what Phillip truly is.

The darkness disappears, holding hands with both his fame and his dignity. He does not need them anyway, not since he has found his light, who shines like the morning sun. He is a God. His smile lights up the room. Lights up his eyes. His lips make sparks fly against Phillip’s lips, cheeks, forehead. Phineas is everything he's ever wanted and so much more.

With gorgeous lips that pull into a grin, he kisses him, hard. Phillip's hands run lazily through the soft curly locks of Phineas’ hair, and he feels like he's free falling on top of the world. The darkness that once clouded Phillip's vision and made him feel weak is gone, replaced only by Phineas.

The hands of the sun find his skin one night as they are lying together. Phineas presses a wordless kiss to Phillip's bare chest, tracing the mass amount of scars that litter his flesh. Each has a story worse than the last. 

With each touch, Phillip feels the dark entity clawing it's way back into his mind. He hears his own screams, his own cries for help, but they are drowned out easily by his father's whispers replaying over and over and over. It coils around him again. Constricts his breathing. His mind has gone fuzzy, but the feeling of a soft kiss to his forehead loosens the grip and brings him back piece by piece. He catches his breath. He is safe. These hands will not cause harm. They feel light on his skin. They make Phillip feel alive.

The man who is holding Phillip is the light. He rescues Phillip more times than he could ever imagine. He keeps him warm, keeps him safe. He chases the darkness away and fills the empty feeling in Phillip's chest with color, light, happiness, and freedom. This man has given him hope, a job, and a new family. 

Things may not work completely all the time, but it is always enough to know he is needed. Wanted. Loved.

Worthy.


End file.
